The best of times and the worst of times

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way...

-Charles Dickens

As I look back over the last year, this quote from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens comes to mind. In so many ways, this year has been fabulous. We have watched Jackson grow from a tiny little baby to the bumbling little toddler he is now. We have spent a year missing Steven, our brother, brother-in-law, friend and role model. We have had the hope that comes with a new job and a new apartment and city of residence. We have had the disappointments that come when things don't go according to "our plans". We have seen the hope that a new child and a new nephew can bring and the despair that comes when you pray and pray and ask for answers that just don't seem to come. I have sat and laughed and laughed at Jackson learning to crawl and walk and giggle or play with his Daddy and clap his hands. I have cried because sometimes things just seem to be too much. This last year has truly been the best of times and the worst of times.

Here are a few more details about my best and worst of times.

December 13, 2010 marked one year since anyone has seen my brother-in-law, Steven Koecher. We don't know what happened and unfortunately, we still don't have any answers. I think the lack of any kind of closure is the hardest part. My father-in-law said it best when he said, "We're stuck between hope and grief." There have been two "potential" sightings of Steven, but nothing that has ever been substantiated. I've spent the last month putting together a book of memories for Rolf and Deanne. I loved reading all of the wonderful memories that family and friends sent to me. The pictures reminded me of happier times. It's strange to believe that when those pictures were taken, we had no idea what life was about to throw at us.

The anniversary of Steven's disappearance was made more difficult by Josh Powell's accusations that Susan Powell and Steven ran away together to Brazil. As far as we know, there is no connection between them that the family or the police have been able to find. Go here to read Rolf Koecher's press release. The website http://forsteven.com/ is the official website that has any new information and background for those of you who don't know Steven. I just wish we had some answers. After having my own little boy, I cannot imagine the grief that Dallin's parents, Rolf and Deanne are going through. They have been such amazing examples of strenth and faith. I only wish there was more I could do. We miss you Steven.

Jackson is one of the bright spots in my life. I cannot believe that he is already one year old! He has grown up so fast. It feels like yesterday that we came home from the hospital with my tiny little baby. He keeps us busy and we are honestly loving every minute of it. After he took his first steps a few months ago, he decided that crawling was a lot more fun, and quicker, than walking. Just this last week he has started gaining confidence in himself as a walker. He gets a lot more bumps on the head and little bruises on his knees from falling, but he is a determined little guy. He gets so excited when he's walking to you and then gives you a big hug-which I have decided is the best thing in the world. Here are a few pictures of my little boy. We love you so much Jackson!

We threw a party for Jackson's first birthday in the middle of a blizzard (we didn't plan that part). It was fun to have some our families there to celebrate, as my cousin so aptly said, not that Jackson is one, but that we managed to keep him alive for a year. Jackson did a good job showing off for the family and opening his presents. Jackson loves balloons, so we made some balloon animals for table decorations. Before we took them to decorate, Jackson and Daddy had a pretty intense sword fight. It was so cute.

Jackson's favorite part of his party, by far, was eating his cupcake. I made a cake for the family and let Jackson have his own cupcake. We took his shirt off, because we have a lot of experience with how messy he can, and typically is, when he eats. It's a good thing too, because he promptly picked up his cupcake and stuck it, frosting side down, onto his chest. Then he got it in his mouth and really went to town. He also picked up some ice cream like he was holding a snowball and thought he was in heaven. It was fun to watch him enjoy himself. Such a cute, albeit messy, little boy.
Here are a few other pictures to update you one our life. This is mostly for grandparent's sake. Enjoy!

This was Jackson's first experience with Santa Claus. I think he liked him ;-)

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we went to Evanston, Wyoming to cut down Christmas trees with Dallin's cousins. We made a day of it and had a great time. We found a great tree and are loving it here at home. Jackson has been surprisingly good about avoiding the tree and the gifts under it (knock on wood). I'm so excited for Christmas with our little man. Kids make almost everything more fun.

Jackson loved sledding!

Jackson also really liked playing in the leaves. Fall is such a beautiful time of year.

Jackson got snow clothes for his birthday. This was the first time he was able to get all bundled up and play in the snow. It was funny. Jackson just patted the snow and played. The face he is making in this picture cracks me up. What a ham.

Strictly speaking, we're still Aggies. Jackson just doesn't know it yet. ;-) He does have a USU shirt though...

I love my life, the good and the bad. What life would be complete without the good times and the bad. Without the harder times, how would re recognize the beautiful moments?

Happiness is...

I've decided to immitate Dallin's cousin, Stephanie, with a theme she had going a while ago on her blog. The theme is "Happiness is..." I've realized that there are so many things in my life that make me happy. A lot of these things are things that Jackson has taught me, or is continuing to teach me, or has reminded me of. So, here is my first installment in my own "Happiness is" collection.

Happiness is getting your driver's licence (or pretending you have it).

Remember how excited you were when you first turned 16 and went to the DMV with your mom to fill out the paperwork to get the long coveted driver's license. The freedom, the permission slip into the adult world, the coolness factor, and did I mention the freedom? I remember going to the DMV with my mom on my birthday and leaving feeling like I was on top of the world. I'm grateful that it will still be a while before Jackson get's his "real" driver's license and I'm the mom taking him. I'm also grateful for my tender moments when just riding in a toy car can give a little boy such complete joy. I want to be more like that. This is also one of my very favorite pictures of Jackson that I just had to share.